I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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