Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
