To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
