Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
