Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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