Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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