so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
