if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
