Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
