Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
