oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
