My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
