We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
