um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
