I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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