yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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