I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
