I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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