why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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