My sheets look like a crime scene.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
