D3 body, D1 cock
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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