Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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