I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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