One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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