i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
