last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
