Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
