before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
