You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
