Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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