Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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