No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
