walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
