if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
