i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
