i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
