nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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