put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
