She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
