So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
