he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
only if we run a train.
done.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
