y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
worst night to have a conscience
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
