Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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