After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
