It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Your dad touched me again.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
