i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
