Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Welp...herpes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
