I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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