I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
