he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
