im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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