Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
